My sister, Grace, was a teacher of math and science, and taught in
Closter, NJ for many years. I always thought there was some humor
to this. You see, my dad had always called her “the Professor” at
home. She had a master’s degree in math and helped my father with the bookkeeping
at the sand pit. Years later, Grace applied at Misericordia College in
Pennsylvania and became a Professor for real. Meanwhile, my sister, Jo
Ann was getting her nursing degree at Misericordia College. Jo Ann brought
several of her classmates down the shore over the summers. Being college
students, they did not have the best of cars, so on occasion, I would have
some fun repairing them. They became affectionately known to me as
the “Nurtzes”. I had a habit of giving out nick names, even back
then, but that's another story.
My father went out one summer for a visit, and six weeks later, Highview Acres had a new barn, complete with milking parlor and an automatic barn cleaner. Ah, the automatic barn cleaner. One Christmas, I was visiting and Grace asked me to run down to the barn and tell Al dinner was ready. When I got to the barn, Al was working on the barn cleaner. The chain that circulated around the barn had a habit of getting hung up on the 90 degree turns, and Al was trying to free the chain. I looked at it and told him, "I see how it’s jammed; I can get it free.” And so with a large crow bar in hand, I bent over and started to pry. I am sure you can guess what happened… face first into the manure ditch. It gave new meaning to the saying "Get cleaned up for dinner"! The farm was always beautiful in the winter with snow on all the hills. One Thanksgiving I was heading up to the farm, and it started snowing. Now they had predicted a snow storm, but what teenager listens to weather forecasts? The snow got deeper and deeper. I was about 3 miles from the farm with only one more hill to climb. "Slow and steady, don't spin the wheels," I could hear my father’s voice firmly in my head. All was good, then it happened; a car backed out on to the road and got stuck sideways, so I had to stop. They got the car that was blocking the road moved off, and now it was time for me to go. I couldn't get started, just kept spinning the wheels. So I decided to back down a ways and get a running start. Good plan, but I could not see a thing behind me and ended up just far enough off the pavement to get stuck. As I sat there deciding what to do, I saw a bright light. It was a phone booth just across the road. Wow, what luck! I picked up the phone and there was a dial tone; great. Al's Dad answered the phone. "Hello, this is Joey," I said. But Grandpa Knapich just kept saying, "Hello"?, "Hello?". Hrmm, maybe getting a little hard of hearing, so I yelled, "Hello, this is Joey; I am stuck in the snow about 2 miles down the road", but Grandpa just kept saying "Hello, is any one there?" Then the line went dead. I tried again, with the same results. This was not good. I walked back to the car and sat. It was getting cold. “OK, let’s give it one more try.” I thought to myself. So I walked back to the phone booth and started to pick up the handle, when I saw it, large and in plain text, “Deposit coin when party answers". You know, if you put a dime in the phone, Grandpa Knapich could hear just fine, a miracle! I told him what had happened and he told me he would tell Al to come get me with the tractor, but it might take a while for him to get the tractor started. It was just too cold sitting in the car, so I decided to start walking; I would meet Al along the way. I walked in the snow for what seemed like forever when I met up with Al, hopped on the back of the tractor, and back to the farm we went. When we arrived, my sister Grace was waiting for us with something hot to eat. It was the following summer when I tried to return the favor. Al had gotten a summer cold and was miserable. Grace had tried to get one of the neighbors to milk, but she was having no luck. “Grace, I can milk the cows; I've done it with Al enough times I know how to do it,” I said. So off I went, down to the barn. As I walked into the dark barn, I could hear the cows chewing on their cud. It was a soothing sound, very reassuring I thought. I turned the lights on, and slowly a few of the cows stood up. I then turned on the music, and sure enough, all the remaining cows started getting up. So far, so good. I went into the tank house and assembled one of the milking machines, turned on the vacuum pump, and headed into the barn to start milking. Now Al had a specific order that he always milked in, but I had never paid attention and did not remember. I though the best plan for me was to start at one end and work my way down the line, so as to not miss any. I went to the first cow and gave her a slap on the rump so she would move over to let me alongside her. She did not move. So I gave her a harder slap and she started to move, but towards me, crowding me between her and the next cow. I pushed back and slid out. I gave her a real hard slap, and again she moved towards me. Well this was not good. I had to create enough room between her and the next cow to get between them, hook up the milking machine, and milk her. After repeated failed attempts to work myself and the milking pail between
the two cows, I got a piece of 4x4, and with the aid of a crow bar, pried
the cows apart and wedged the 4x4 between them. I was determined to milk
these cow and they were not going to stop me. I now had a space between
them. I grabbed the pail and moved between them. Now about this time
I had a big wide grin on my face, "See cows, I am in charge and we are
going to do this," I said out loud. I set the pail down between them, took
the vacuum hose in hand, and reached up to connect it to the vacuum line.
There was no vacuum connection there. The barn suddenly became silent.
There was no vacuum connection. There was no place to hook up the milking
machine. I started looking
Joseph DiMaggio
Oct.11, 2011 |
